White Paper on the Taliban’s acquisition of nuclear weapons by Pakistan

President Asif al Zardari and Prime Minister Syed Yousaf Raza Gillani 

• Executive Summary: As of this past Monday the terrorist group known as the Taliban gained access to our nuclear facility in the Swat valley. Traitors within the ISI sold Taliban leaders information which lead to the Taliban’s overwhelming of the facility. The terrorists then proceeded to give an extremely unreasonable set of demands and threatened to take action against Israel if the demands were not met. However, as of now this is impossible because the Taliban are not in possession of any missiles with the necessary range. The brave men and women of our army have been called into action and are currently pushing the Taliban farther back into the Swat valley while our leaders are reaching out to the Taliban to see if there is a way to end this situation peacefully.

 
 

• One option the Pakistani government is willing to give the Taliban is that in exchange for the nuclear weapons we will allow the Taliban to flee into their mountain lairs without facing total elimination. We will give the Taliban three days to return the weapons and cede control of the Swat and Buner districts. If the Taliban leave, we will allow them to live unharmed in uninhabited mountain border region provided that they do not choose to impose their perverted version of Sharia on any free citizens of Pakistan.
•  The Taliban have demonstrated their disdain for our people by hiding behind them, killing them and taking away their basic unalienable rights. General Ashfaq Kayani is confident that he will be in control of Swat presently and has ordered soldiers to save as many citizens as possible even if their own lies are endangered.  These are not the people they say they are, the Taliban will not save Pakistan but will instead destroy it with their oppressive nature and destructive foreign policy.